|Finding Purpose for My Future in the Solomon Islands|
"What am I doing" That was my last thought as the plane took off on the way to our mission trip.
Almost a year ago we'd decided to go, but as time went on my faith faltered and disappeared. The Devil has an incredible way of taking a small doubt and destroying you with it. I was depressed and had no interest in finding a way out.
I thought to myself, "How dare I go to the Solomon Islands to speak to these people about a God that I don't even know exists."
I felt like such a hypocrite and wanted nothing more than turn around and go back to a life of apathy. Little did I know God, as always, had something incredible in store.
Being in a different environment immediately redirected my focus. I began to realize that working and partying was getting me nowhere in life. At age 22 I was having a "midlife crisis". Dramatic, I know.
I had no plans for my future and it was fast approaching.
I grabbed my notebook and begun to write. Before I knew it the words became a prayer and that prayer became a plea.
As the pen moved, I wrote to God and begged him to break my heart. I told Him that I've been in a state of nothingness, that life didn't matter anymore and if He does exist, and wants me here He's going to have to take over and get me out of my own way.
Well, be careful what you ask for because God will give you the desires of your heart.
It's difficult to explain the immediate and complete shift in my mentality. I asked and God made Himself real to me. He smacked me with His reality so forcefully that I began to sob. I felt like a fool for ever doubting Him.
The security, elation and peace that came over me were unbelievable. I would compare it to having an ice cold drink of spring water in the most serene garden you can imagine with your best friend after being chased through the desert by a pack of wild boars....times ten thousand.
There's nothing that compares to searching for God and in my most vulnerable state then finding Him, the Creator of the universe waiting with open arms and immeasurable love specifically for me.
I realized that God had brought me on this mission trip, not only for me to touch lives through Him, but for Him to save mine.